Recently, I’ve been asked how do we move from empathy to self-compassion.
You might’ve noticed getting angry, anxious, sad, worried, unsettled just by speaking with someone who’s experiencing such an emotion. Many of us are very receptive to other people’s emotions and we tend to become overwhelmed by emotions like worry, fear, concern, sadness, anger which are not ours. We say we are empathetic. Hours have passed and we are still caught up by these emotions!
Having empathy is an important skill to relate to others, yet getting their emotions and feeling they are ours is not serving anyone. Instead of having one person impacted and suffering, we have two now!
Having empathy is an important skill to relate to others, yet getting their emotions and feeling they are ours is not serving anyone. Instead of having one person impacted and suffering, we have two now!
Compassion and self-compassion are what we need to avoid empathy burnout, take action and help others.
Self-awareness is a very important first step. When speaking with someone who’s experiencing difficult emotions and we tend to get them on, let’s pause and connect with our bodies. Where do we feel this emotion in our body? And then ask ourselves: Is this emotion mine or is it theirs?
If it’s yours, see my previous post about How to Relate to Difficult Emotions.
If it’s theirs, take a deep breath, and imagine you are like two travelers with your own backpacks. You are both on your life journey. You don’t need to take their backpack as you already have yours. You can be there for them, listen, help them repack, lift the backpack, but you don’t have to take their backpack, as you won’t be able to move too far. None of you!
Do you remember when in the airplane they are saying: “In case of cabin depressurization, put your oxygen mask first and then help others.” The same is with self-compassion – you need to help yourself first, to be able to help others. And you need to be kind with yourself in these moments. You might feel guilty, ashamed, powerless. In these moments, acknowledge the emotion you are feeling, go through the three steps described here, and then see how you can help them without getting overwhelmed by their emotions.
If you want to learn more about how to move from empathy to self-compassion, I invite you to sign up for our next Mindful Self-Compassion (MSC) program starting soon, joining other human beings on this journey.
For more information have a look here or you can connect with us for a chat.
Feel free to pass on this info to friends and family who may benefit from the MSC course.
